Putting children first

More than 20 million people – a third of the UK population – live with the direct effects of divorce or separation, suggests a survey published today. A minority get help, mainly from lawyers, but that is usually is not enough.  The figures highlight a crisis for separating parents and their children, according to Karen and Nick Woodall, authors of ‘Putting Children First’ – published today – Britain’s first handbook aimed at everyone affected by family separation.

Some 33 per cent of respondents reported that either their parents had separated or they had separated from a partner with whom they had had children.  Given that Britain’s population now exceeds 60m, the survey suggests that more than 20m people may be living with the direct effects of separation. 
Just 33 per cent of those affected by separation have received professional advice, mostly from solicitors, found the survey. Three quarters of those getting help say they need more support.

As well as calls for more professional help, the survey found strong backing for a change in services so that they offer a more holistic approach to the family, helping both mothers and fathers properly.  More than half of those surveyed complained of a lack of attention to the needs of non-resident parents in caring for their children. 

Poor support for the family as a whole is reflected in outdated stereotypes picked up by the survey. It found that over 90 per cent of those questioned believed that a ‘lone parent’ is likely to be young, female and (according to 80 per cent) unemployed.
The guide is launched today by Camelot Group Chief Executive, Dianne Thompson CBE, and leads couples through the process of building cooperative parenting out of the, often, bitter conflicts arising from relationship breakdown.  

‘Putting Children First’ Tips to parents include: 

  • Don’t introduce a new partner to your children for months, perhaps even a year.
  • Never ‘bad-mouth’ the other parent in front of the children. Always speak respectfully about your ex-partner in front of them.
  • Never send messages to an ex-partner via the children
  • Keeping a photograph of your ex-partner in your new home and encourage your children to talk about your ex-partner in your presence.
  • Never listen in to your children’s phone calls with your ex-partner.

  • Never seek forgiveness from your children – it’s your job to make things work, not to persuade them that your actions were alright. 

Co-author, Karen Woodall, also Director of the Centre for Separated Families, said: 
‘ Family separation is often talked about in terms of teenage mothers and absent fathers but family separation is actually a fact of life in the UK across the whole of society. If you add in all the grandparents of children whose parents are separated and of adults partnering other separated parents, it is likely that divorce/separation is an issue affecting perhaps half the population of Britain. We are facing a crisis of inadequate support for these families. 

‘ Increasingly, children continue to have contact with both parents. If this is handled well, then the outcome for children improves significantly. Where there is ongoing conflict, children can be damaged. We want to see services that really engage and support all parents in providing what children need in order for them to realise their full potential.’ 
Survey Findings 

  • 33 per cent said either their parents had separated or they had separated from a partner with whom they had had children.
  • 33 per cent of those who had separated had sought or received professional help after separation. Over half (58 per cent) had not. 
  • Of those who did receive help, 80 per cent did so from a ‘solicitor’ and 20 per cent from ‘other sources’. 
  • 75 per cent of those who sought or received help said that it had not fully met their needs. 
  • 51 per cent said that there was a lack of attention paid to the needs of non-resident parents who regularly care for children. 
  • 99 per cent felt that a ‘lone parent’ would be female. 
  • 91 per cent felt that a ‘lone parent’ would be young. 
  • 82 per cent felt that a ‘lone parent’ would be unemployed 

The population of the United Kingdom is 60.5m people, according to the Office of National Statistics. 

The in-depth survey of 78 adult respondents (53 per cent female, 47 per cent male) was conducted in August 2007 by QA Research and commissioned by the Centre for Separated Families.
 
Facts on separating families:

There are 150,000 – 200,000 relationship breakdowns involving children, each year. 
The majority of children have contact with both parents although the nature and frequency of contact varies. 

Most children want to keep contact with both parents. Their experience of contact varies according to quantity and quality. 

Most parents feel ill-equipped to deal with conflict with ex-partner in order to reach agreement that is in the best interests of children. 

Two thirds of parents expressed a desire for support to help them understand what is happening to their children. 

The needs of many separating parents are not being met by existing services. 

(Source: Parental Separation: Children’s Needs and Parents’ Responsibilities, Next Steps, HMSO)